Yesterday my husband and I had an indifference.
We were walking and my husband was tired and dealing with persistent bugs that bite, so he told me we were going home. This made me mad, and I lashed out at him.
This made him mad, and he walked on ahead of me. I had read earlier that morning in 1 Corinthians 4:20, that the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk, but of power. So while he and I were both angry, I spoke out loud against that spirit of limitations that covers my husband. I broke that hold on him in the name of Jesus. And I was passionate about it. John walked ahead of me until he got home. I made it home shortly afterwards. I found out later that he thought I was talking about him in a negative way. I was talking about him, but I was talking about him to Jesus, and claiming victory for my husband. He limits himself because of fear and sometimes laziness.
At home, we didn't argue. That's not what we do. We talk about our problems, but sometimes that may take a few hours before we are ready to speak. So, I went and did laundry and shopped for groceries. By the time I was done, and at home, he was ready to talk. I was ready to talk.
He apologized and I apologized.
In the past, I would have some long winded speech about what he did and how I felt and blah blah blah. But this time, I did not go on. I spoke briefly and listened. I listened to him speak. He doesn't speak readily like myself, like most women. As a man, he speaks when he is ready. I respect this and do my best to not incite him.
Last night, while in bed, he seemed distressed. I asked him to elaborate if he wanted and I would listen without lecturing. He kissed me and held me close for it, then he began to talk about what was on his mind. I don't get a chance to hear this often. But I was thankful that he would allow me to listen. My husband has been internalizing everything.
I did not know this. He never said a word.
All those times I thought he had his mind on things that were not important, I was wrong. He was concerned just as I was concerned. He just doesn't know how to deal with conflict. He is not confrontational and/or argumentative. He avoids it all costs. This is because of his mother. (that's another blog. LOL)
I lay in his arms and listened to my husband tell me his inner most thoughts about our life together and the problems we are facing together. There was a lot on his mind. I wanted to take it all away.
I thought about emotions this morning and how some of us will bottle everything up and not deal with it. This is dangerous and cause long term problems. My husband, my sweet sweet husband, has been bottling his emotions for a long time. And I never knew this.
Ladies, take time to talk to your husband. Take time to LISTEN. You don't always have to be right and you don't always have to do all of the talking. Our men are human, just as we are human. We may process things differently, but they have emotions and feelings too.
There are times they may try to take on the world by themselves. Remind them that you are there to bring them good, not harm. (proverbs 31:12) Remind them that they are not alone, you are their helper!
Encourage, praise and make your husband the second most important priority in your life. Jesus comes first. Your husband comes second. Don't waste time arguing with your man, or making him feel less of a man. You cannot define manhood. You are made a woman for a reason. Treat him with utmost respect and honor your husband. Tell him how much you love him. He fights for you (children if you have any) every day.
Don't let your emotions get out of control. Stop beating up your husband with your words. He deserves better. Find out how his mind works and remove the idea that you are always right. Because guess what, you are almost always wrong. This is why Jesus died for you, for me, for your husband, for everyone.
Our emotions drive us to do crazy things...but they can be controlled. You can be disciplined.
Make a choice and constant effort to control your emotions.
Blessings to you.
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