The Light within me

For almost two months, I have been in a strange funk.
I didn't know what was going on or why it started. I just felt...crappy.
During this time, I hardly read the bible or studied His word. I would make the attempt, but get distracted or fall asleep.
Sometimes this happens. But it was more frequent, as of late.
I prayed about it, couldn't understand why this wouldn't go away, but kept trying to adhere to my schedule. At 10:30 am, almost every day, I study the bible, meet and pray with God.
So while I kept it, I didn't feel like doing it.
I wasn't mad. I was not going through anything really. Nothing more than a strange funk.
Then last night, Jesus revealed the truth to me.
He revealed it through my husband's bible study with the online gamers.
John was talking to me about his bible study plan and discussion. He was very passionate about it. He used an example of Peter Griffin from the Family Guy. He asked the gamers if this character was a good example of a Godly man. What example does he portray to the public??
I started to think. There isn't anyone that these kids can watch or admire, without disgusting characteristics. Most of the men are taught to have sex, make money, have sex, buy nice cars and clothes, have sex,be charming, be a dog, be a thug...etc...etc...
What character on TV depicts an image of a man taking care of his family, staying faithful to his wife? Working diligently and praying faithfully to Jesus? There isn't one. Not one sitcom that shows this.
If the guy is in a relationship, he is almost always an idiot and the wife/girlfriend is the brains of the family/couple. So then...these young men, their eyes are filled with garbage. Total garbage. And if they are surrounded by bad examples, how do they know to do what is right by God? They are being filled with darkness. Filled with lies.
Jesus told me last night, my eyes and ears have been filled with garbage as of late. Darkness. Grayness. (is that a word?? LOL)
I've been listening to a lot of secular music because I am tired of the same old Christian sound. I want something new. Since John has been home, I've been watching a lot of secular anime. Filling me up with nothingness. Darkness. Fear.
I normally limit myself, and indulge my being, my very existence into Christ. Since I was involved elsewhere, the very depth of my body was becoming a void. A powerful void that left me alone, scared, and helpless. I wasn't sleeping well and feeling depraved.
I realize now, it was my fault. This is why, we MUST fill our eyes with light. We must surround ourselves with a CONSTANT reminder of Christ. Without Him, we are nothing. Without Him, we become dead.

Matthew 6:22-23

New International Version (NIV)

²² “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy,^[a] your whole body will be full of light. ²³ But if your eyes are unhealthy,^[b] your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

Fill your body with light!!